
Last night, or I guess two nights ago now, I was on call. Things were actually going pretty smoothly considering my usual call night. I had tucked all my patients in, and was going to hang out with one of my pre-teens in her room for a little bit when my senior tells me that there is a patient in the Emergency Department that we have to check out. The patient is a 2 month old baby that was just diagnosed early in the day with influenza but had a febrile seizure, and the ED doctor wants us to evaluate him and decide if he needs to be admitted.
So, ordinarily, a child under 18 months of age who has a fever of unknown origin, with a seizure, NEEDS to have the full work up done to rule out meningitis. That said, we go and look at this kid and talk to the mom. I asked mom what happened. She tells me that about 45 minutes after she had given her baby tamiflu (the medication we give to treat the flu) she noticed that her baby had two jerky movements and then smacked his lips for about five minutes. During this time, she took his temperature and it was 102.2. She then called the emergency response team, but the time they got there, the baby had stopped doing what ever he was doing, and they brought him to the emergency room. On arrival, the baby was still febrile. They gave him some motrin, did some blood work, collected blood cultures and called my team. When we arrived to evaluate the baby, he was no longer febrile, he was happy and smiling, and well long story short, his physical exam was perfect. His vitals, when I checked his heart rate, it was a little fast, 150, but otherwise everything was good. While we were in the ED, his lab work came back, and there was no indication of systemic infection. Blood cultures were not back yet. After getting the history from his mom, and evaluating him, we called our attending who was on call. Told her we decided that he did not meet criteria for inpatient admission. She agreed. We wrote our consult note, and told the ED doctor, who seemed a little surprised but said ok.
About two hours later, we get a page from the ED doctor who says that he spoke with ANOTHER attending, (not the one that was on call with us first) and they decided that the baby needs to be admitted for a lumbar puncture to rule out meningitis and started on antibiotics. He also stated that after talking to this other attending and then calling our on call attending to tell us the plan, we needed to come admit this baby.
Three things: 1) WTF? You are going to go behind OUR back, talk to another attending who is not even the one on service and then decide on the plan??!!! REALLY??! 2) THAT attending is then going to make this clinical decision without seeing the baby or talking to US, the team that evaluated him??! 3) If the ED doctor really believes that this baby meets clinical suspicion for meningitis, then the AAP guidelines are clear, do the lumbar puncture in the ED and start the kid on antibiotics right away.
So, what happened? I am pissed, and I go to bat for this mother and her child. I called our attending, and told her our evaluation. I told her that if she, or the other attending was there, they would NOT do an LP on this baby. If you want to admit him overnight for evaluation, fine. I get that. Lets hydrate this baby, watch him and see what he does. Then the question arises, what if they really were seizures? You can’t call them febrile seizures cause the kid is under 6 months of age. However one of the side effects of tamiflu is seizures activity. What are associated symptoms of having the flu in babies? SEIZURES. But I get it, you rule out the most devastating disease first, and then you can attribute the “seizure” to the things I listed…but only if you think the kid had clinical suspicion for meningitis, but HE DIDN”T!!! Why put this little baby through an invasive procedure when he didn’t need one. But it didn’t matter what I said. It didn’t matter what my senior said. It had been decided by those who never laid eyes on this kid that he was going to get a lumbar puncture.
So, there I was. All gowned up and ready to do a procedure I felt was medically unnecessary on this child who is not sedated, does not have anything to help with the pain he is about to undergo except for sugar and a pacifier. As I inserted the needle and heard his screams of pain, and saw that I didn’t get any fluid out, I felt like I monster. I tried again, still no clear fluid. Then my senior tries, and she can’t get it. We decided…enough. Called our attending back, told her we couldn’t get it, and now she is stuck. What should we do now? We have admitted him…tortured him and to no end. We start the antibiotics and try again in the morning. True getting a culture from the CSF would be useless since we started the antibiotics but we could still follow the cell count.
So, first thing in the morning, my floor senior comes, and this time, he does it, and I am holding the baby, and that is what pushed me to the edge. I felt so much anger and frustration, I felt so powerless, and as I was looking at this baby, holding him firmly in place, my heart breaks. But I can’t cry, I tried to fight for him, but I failed him. Because I am an intern. I know, I have never been burned by sending a kid home and then finding out he is deadly ill. I have never missed a serious diagnosis. I know I don’t have the same clinical experience as my attending. I know all of this.
And all emotional dramatization aside, I do see why what was done was done. I do. Bottom line, I was not 100% sure that the baby didn’t have a fever. I was not 100% sure that if he did, it was more likely due to the flu and the medication. The baby was less than 18 months of age. The clinical manifestations of meningitis are subtle, and easily missed. The fever may or may not have been due to the flu. I understand. But here is the thing. Though I may be young clinically, I do know that medicine is not a perfect science. We are never going to be 100% sure. We are not God and we will never know. But we are trained to think. We trained to use what we know to evaluate a patient, and to do no harm to the patient. The reason why we are put through this rigorous training is to use our minds and all of our other senses. I know that, had the outside attending or my floor attending seen this baby, they would not have done the lumbar puncture. If they are going to let us residents be the ones to stay up all night in the hospital, then they need to learn to talk to us and trust us.
I think this night of call was a learning experience for all of us. I did talk to the other attending in the morning, as well as my floor attending. We all agreed that the situation could and should have been handled better. I learned why the attending felt a lumbar puncture could have been appropriate in a situation closer to this. Still, Thursday/Friday was the first time knowing in my heart of heart that I did a patient harm. The worst part is, I now know what my attendings know. That no matter how much I read or learn or how good I get, there will be that one patient. That one patient that in hindsight I should have done this, or that, but I didn’t. The question is, how will I let that affect me.