New Start?

Hi,

Yes, it has definitely been a very, very long time. Lots happened since that first 14 days. But really, it culminated in me finally hitting the wall in a very big way. I lost all motivation, I lost all drive, my heart got broken ( for about the 1000th time), and well, quite frankly so did my “give a damn.” I won’t insult you, or myself, by going into this long speech about how it is a new year and time for new beginnings. No, because, that’s not really how I feel. I know that I have accomplished a lot, and it’s just too bad that since…September, things just kind of went down hill, and I just needed that break. Luckily, I finally did get that break. Over the week of Christmas, I got 6 wonderful days off, and then went back to the NICU. Oddly enough that combination kind shook my system back into gear.

I needed time to realize that I hit the wall, and it was ok that I was burnt out. July was brutal, educational but brutal. August, was supposed to be nice, but I just ended up putting more pressure on myself to get things done. September, I signed up for too many projects, and didn’t get any of them done, but got Mono instead. October, AAP conference and the beginning of the end, of a lot of things. November hit rock bottom, but fought to keep it from affecting me or my work, December, accepted that I hit rock bottom, and held it together till I got those much needed 6 days. No, 6 days was not enough, and I could have used more, and but I will take what I can get. I promised myself that I will be more even in 2011, and yes, in my mind that does rhyme. But really, it just means that I just want to be more balanced. Work, extracurricular, and me time. I was trying to hard to be this perfect resident, and perfect doctor, sister, friend, that I forgot about me, and then well dropped the ball on all fields. I mean, being perfect in all those things, will be good for me, and is a part of taking time for me. But not really. You know what I mean. So yeah. I am going to try to be more even and balanced. Huh, guess I still gave that little speech anyways didn’t I? But in my defense, I made this decision on December 27th, not January 1st.

So, happy new year everyone, and here is hoping for a better more balanced year.

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1 Comment »

  1. Gbaike said

    Praying for a happier and more balanced year ahead. Love, Usi.

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