Posts Tagged physician burn out

Taking Hits

A lot has happened since my last post. I am still lost, but now I am in a position where I can start to care for myself as I continue working towards my dreams.

Man, self-care as a grown up is hard. Especially when you don’t even realize that you are struggling with it. I took a lot of hits since July 1st 2013, but I realized that I had taken some hits even before that. I went back and re-read my July 1st 2013 post, and yeah, thats probably when I started taking those hits. When I say hits, I mean the punches of stress that hit you in your gut and heart.

The difficult part of being a resilient doc is that, either you are so used to taking hits you don’t even realize it until you get knocked out, or you feel them, and keep going anyways. I think I did both.

You see, I am where I am today because I keep getting back up, no matter what. That is what I needed to do to survive. But this past year and a half or so has been really stressful and scary, and I didn’t get the relief I needed to make it tolerable. I just kept on going. ┬áIn other words, I ate up my reserves without realizing it. So, I wound up in a place where I am armored up to the hilt, ready to keep on taking more hits. Worse than that, I am in a place where I expect nothing but hits to come at me.

The good news? I finally realized it. I have a good job now. A job that gives me the flexibility to work on a lot of my dreams, and the potential to do so much more than I could before. Now, I need to work on myself as well. I wonder if a lot of other young professionals get to this point. We work so hard for so long, we don’t even realize that we can start relaxing. Wow, even typing the word “relaxing” just stressed me out. Made me feel weak and lazy. I don’t want to let my guard down, I want to be ready for whatever comes next, but maybe I don’t have to expect whatever comes next to be bad. In order to get to that place, I still need armor, it just doesn’t all have to be my own.



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